The
STiXXclusive Movie Year in Review
Well….damn….it’s that time of the
year. The end of the year, the end of one chapter for some, and the opportunity
for a fresh beginning in the future. I’d like to thank all of the people who
have read my reviews (music & movies alike) and have actually taken the
time to give positive feedback, despite the fact that they are exasperatingly
long, but I try to hold your attention the only way that I can: The natural
way. SO, without further adieu, let me go into by Best & Worst of 2011 when
it came to motion pictures. These are simply a reflection of my own opinion of
the movies that I saw, and many people will have different opinions, BUT…that’s
why we write these things. So…let’s start with the bad, shall we? 5 for each
category.
TOP 5 WORST MOVIES OF 2011
1. Bad Teacher
Someone for the love of Timbaland, get this guy OFF THE MOVIE
SCREEN and INTO A STUDIO! Honestly, he’s funny, as we all know from his skits
on Saturday Night Live, but in movies in which we have to LOOK at him for more
than 3 minutes, he doesn’t shine so bright. It’s like watching a train wreck
happen and you can’t look away, and Cameron Diaz does nothing but use her
surprisingly good looks to parade all over the screen and NOT DO THE ONE THING
REQUIRED OF HER IN THE FIRST PLACE……..act. If I could have, I would have walked
out of the theatre…it was that bad.
2. In Time
I’m sensing
a pattern here. ‘Movies that Justin Timberlake were in,’ but in all honesty, I
didn’t expect it to be that bad. The concept where time = money was SICK, I’m
not gonna lie, it was just executed PISS! POORLY! I was upset, I won’t lie. Acting
was SUB-PAR (the crying scene was the funniest thing I watched all year), and
again I say, OCCUPY JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE IN A STUDIO! WE WANT AN ALBUM! The girl
from Mean Girls/Red Riding Hood…ya…hold some seats. Like 8 of them…together…and
throw on a blanket…and sleep. Just…go away…please (he got some ratings because
he acted with my future wife Mila Kunis in Friends with Benefits though).
3. Hangover 2
More
disappointing than anything because of the hype, and the fact that I couldn’t
live up to the first one, which is hard, I won’t lie, but it just…dragged on.
There were funny moments, but at the same time, it could (should) have done way
better than it came out to be, especially since it was so hyped up. And the
fact that people were saying that Bridesmaids was better just adds to the
disappointment.
4. Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Okay,
listen…before you decide to chop my head off, hear me out. Action wise, yes it
was crazy, but the story was all kinds of foolery on all levels, and Shia
annoyed me more than anything. The new female lead was nice to look at, but
Megan Fox had the tough bitch mentality to fill the role. I know that these films
aren’t for story, they’re for entertainment. I was entertained, but I wasn’t
like “oh shit, wow, WOW! GOD DAMN!” as I was in the first one. It was better
than the 2nd one, but it still fell short of spectacular. It should
win for all of the techy stuff, I’ll still buy it to have the collection, but
it’s not something I would just watch for the hell of it on a rainy day.
5. Thor
The way that I despised this
movie…man…LISTEN! I was on the verge of throwing something while watching this.
It had some good moments, but it felt SO CORNY! Like, we all know the story of
Hamlet. 2 BROTHERS! 1 FATHER! ONE’S GREAT! ONE’S NOT! ALL DAY! EVERY DAY! BY
HIMSELF! JEALOUS ONE BACKSTABS THE GREAT ONE! THE GREAT ONE GETS PUNISHED AND
WANTS REVENGE…have I made my point yet in my Kevin Hart voice? Idris Elba
wasn’t needed in this movie, that was a TERRIBLE casting role in my opinion,
and I get why the Norwegians were mad. “How’s this nigga gonna be one of our
Gods tho? Hold up.” Okay, they didn’t say it LIKE THAT, but you get what I
mean. I get that this is for the development of the ultimate ‘Avengers’ movie
coming out next year, but still. YAWNS EVERYWHERE!
*HONOURABLE MENTION*
Jumping The Broom
I’m not contractually obligated to review
this, but it was all cheese all the time, and I swear it was a Tyler Perry
movie too. I tried yo. I really did. I tried to be pro-black. Spike Lee, John
Singleton, Antoine Fuqua, YES…this man here? I can’t. There was humour and I
did learn some stuff (okay, ONE THING), but aside from that, YAWNS ON DECK!
ONE TO THE
GOOD STUFF! The highlights of the year (that I saw, at least). And like I said,
this is just my own views. You have different views? WRITE YOUR OWN REVIEW AND
EXPRESS YOURSELF *insert NWA song here*
TOP 5 BEST
MOVIES OF 2011
1. Super 8
Disagree if
you want, but this was ARGUABLY, the best movie I watched this year. It felt
like the old time movies Spielberg was making in his prime, just thrown in with
the eccentricity of JJ Abrahms. Many people say this is like the 2nd
part of Cloverfield, but it had nothing to do with Cloverfield in the first
place (okay, maybe the mystery monster thing, but that’s about it.), it was a
different concept, and it had me from start to ending. The young cast was great
because they were funny, the simple idea of them just making a movie and then
it escalates to something greater is GENIUS. The simple shit is often the best
shit. Don’t complicate things. The only thing that was kind of “HUH” worthy was
the ending, but when’s the last time you watched a movie with a perfect ending?
Exactly.
2. X-Men First Class
If Super 8 was 1A then this is 1B, if
anything, they can easily switch roles. This movie was WAY better than
anticipated. It totally wiped away the disastrous memory that was X-Men Last
Stand (oh, lord…what a mess that was), and it set a new bar as to way superhero
movies were supposed to feel like. There were HARDLY (unless you’re a diehard
fan) any flaws in this movie because it was simply great all around. Storyline,
characters, plot development. Nothing was really missing. And if there were,
clearly I didn’t point them out, because I was too entranced with the greatness
of this movie. MUST SEE! MUST OWN! FOREVER!
3. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
I literally
just saw this movie last week, and it made the list. The first one was great
(which I watched the night before….LEGALLY), and I went into the movie with
limited expectations, and I came out WOW’ed because of the amazieus (shoutout
to Althea for that word) ways of Guy Ritchie. Robert Downey Jr. is the based
movie god. He’s slept on like no tomorrow. People are acting like he wasn’t the
best of the cast of Tropic Thunder, and he doesn’t hold it down for Iron
Man…come on. Stop sleeping on the God. Go watch it…WATCH THEM BOTH!
4. Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
Crazy. All
I can say. CRAZY! I got the books, and I’m reading them. The hype is real. The
hype is alive. I am DRINKING ALL THE KOOL AID with this series. I didn’t watch
the Dutch movies, and quite frankly, I’m not about to. The books are enough.
I’m anticipating the next 2 movies, because this one was AMAZING! Watch it
RIGHT NOW! Aside from the Bourne & Harry Potter movies, this can quite
possibly be (wait…LOTR too) one of the best Book – film adaptations we’ll ever
watch. FUCK TWILIGHT! J
5. Rise of the Planet of the Apes
People
forgot about this movie. They really did.
The reason why I liked this movie a lot was because of the story of
Caesar. It was a great prologue for the Planet of the Apes movies. The
development of the Chimp and the emotional bond between human and chimp was a
great story, and the revolution had a Che Guevara feel to it. It’s a deep movie
that a lot of people had go over their heads. Underrated. By far.
*HONOURABLE MENTIONS*
Lincoln Lawyer
Limitless
J Edgar
Ides of March
Moneyball
Okay, so it wasn’t much of a list, but it
was written in ink, and it’s set in stone (ish). SO, you can either agree,
disagree, discuss, form your own top 5 (or 10), and share. I’m all about
sharing, which is ironic because I’m an only child. HOWEVER…it is what it is,
SO, I thank you for reading this and my many reviews that I tossed in your
direction this year. I hope to entertain you more and enlighten on more reviews
and whatever else comes to mind. I thank you all, and for now, for the last
time in 2011
THAT’S MY WORD & IT STiXX
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